Sometimes it's okay to feel not okay, I think.
Photos are an easy way to make life look always perfect. Since beginning this adventure I have had so much fun, met amazing people and took a lot of those perfect photos.
July 30th - So happy to finally climb the Diable Ridge on Mont Blanc de Tacul! Big day out with an incredible sunrise over Mont Blanc, a few new 4000m peaks for me and two nights glacier camping! (Because we prepared well by climbing the Lepiney route up the Trident the evening before and getting only 4hrs sleep!)
August 2nd - It's easy to showreel the highlights.... so here is a little story from my failure this morning!!
I went to solo the South Face of the Moine. It's not a big deal, but a big day if you hike up from the valley (2500m!) and with all the usual objective dangers. After a fast 1000m up to montenvers, i took the ladders down to the glacier, then made a mistake! My map showed ladders on the other side so i crossed the glacier and scrambled up the steep morraine. it was super loose and I quickly became unhappy. I persisted because going down looked worse. I got to the 'ladders" and they had been chopped dismantled so i to pick my way back down the chossy slope. only lost an hour but also psyche witnessed two helicopter rescues nearby having seen no one else all morning felt small in this vast incredible place was temped push on decided follow gut headed montenvers for breakfast. mountains are most immense playground we winning if keep ourselves safe> Learning point- always check the up-to-date access!!
August 9th - Today we climbed the South ridge of Weissmies (4017m)! It's my fourth time on this summit but my first time as a single push from the valley! About 2400m of ascent, so much type1 fun ridge scrambling, incredible cloud inversions......and back for apple struddel by midday!
August 11th - We earned our sunrise this morning!! Unbeleeeeeivable views as we scrambled our way up Zinalrothorn!! What a mountain, what a place, what a life!!
But then there are times when the people are gone, it's raining and I feel sort of alone and a little overwhelmed that I don't know quite what I'm doing!
I've had so much time to reflect on my last two years. I tried so hard to feel comfortable and happy in my role as a doctor. Sure there were parts I loved, but the combination of my low self-confidence, over analytical thinking and very consciencious personality left me stressed, broken and constantly on edge in a way I never really learned to cope with. It's kind of hard to accept after 11 years investment that maybe its not the right future, both from a personal feeling of failure and a sense I am letting down family and others that supported me. How far should you push something when it's making you so unhappy?